Category: life

Late Night/ Early Morning Rambled Musings:

If feeling soooo done with life a part of being 9 months pregnant or am I just lazy. Summer hasn’t arrived yet.

I am so done.

I made Stouffer’s Lasagna for dinner 2 days in a row. Fed my family canned veggies and grocery store deli bread that I turned into garlic bread.

I did spend 2 and a half hours at a laundromat with my 8-year-old son washing,drying and folding towels, little boy clothes and linens. So something was accomplished.

I still continue to feel a lack of motivation.

My garden is going slow because I have not sat down with the boys like we planned and seed our peat pods. They are still on the freezer in the laundry room.

I left laundromat before completely drying my last load to pick up Kara from work. Dropped Sam at home and took Kayla back home, she was just out to get a quick meal (She was starving and our Stouffer’s Lasagna wasn’t in the oven yet), then Kara and I returned to dry the remainder. It seem to go so fast with help 🙂

I am only up right now because of an obnoxious nosebleed. Took forever to stop, still oozing but I need to go to bed now!

God smiled on Hubby at work tonight. He had a great evening. I was feeling rather bummed and rarely share that rundown feeling with him( I am afraid of dragging people down, when I want to be an encourager),  he prayed with me and told me God is with me. I instantly felt better and do not remember how bad I felt or even what precipitated that bad feeling in the first place.  God smiled on me to for blessing me with a husband that loves me and who really desires to do the right thing deep down and surprises me at the least expected time.

Would you like some cheese with that?….Survival Mode

I have wanted to blog but have lacked the time. We have had an unusually busy schedule and with my dead slaves (washer and dryer) I spend at least 2 to 3 trips a week at a laundromat. The owner is really nice and will help me and whomever I bring as a helper to my van, even though that is not his job. I am enjoying getting laundry done quicker. Instead of a half a day or more job, it takes a couple of hours.

We are approaching the end of our journey as one. This baby and I. My BP has been steadily rising over the past week or so. The hyperemesis is not being controlled by the Zofran. I am hoping to go into spontaneous labor sans induction. I am nervous about pending delivery, I tend to get ppd pretty bad lately, so I hope it is a normal labor, so I can quickly recover and return to exercising which really helps me stabilize my hormones better.

One of the twins plans to by a car this week. I am praying she and her sister can get themselves around  without my help now. Allowing me more time to spend with the boys,cooking, cleaning, sleeping and enjoying a new baby soon. It should be a blessing to our entire family in that way. I am so fatigued lately. Today I am doing a manic cleaning but I am so low energy I feel the need to lay down, although I have not since getting up.

We are on the hunt for a bunk bed. I specifically wanted a red metal to match the current one in the boy’s room, but at this point I just want a bunk bed set. I have a little guy sleeping on my sofa who needs a bed. Maybe I should pray for one again.

I think there is some water damage from my sink area. The middle of my kitchen floor feels “weird” and the old linoleum is cracking. I’m not sure whether to call a plumber first or if it is just old. Either way, I need a new sub-floor in my kitchen and new tile. I try not to freak out as things stop working in my old house. I happened to hear about Habitat’s Critical Home Repair and I am almost desperate enough to call and see if someone can come out and diagnose our problem with the kitchen floor. I want to fix it quickly. My overactive, hyper-analytical self is having all sorts of thoughts, like me walking into the kitchen to prepare a lovely meal for my family and falling through the kitchen floor.

I am so NOT sleeping well when I do sleep. I think baby has days and nights mixed up already. I have had intense back pain with contractions since Thursday and I simply can not get comfortable, despite taking every spare pillow in the house and propping something up with it.

My OB Dr. D. is going to be in and out-of-town over the next few weeks(family emergency). This has sent me into numerous panic attacks. I have one person whom I trust. I have an awfully long list of bad care received and not enough good to match. I don’t expect a lot. Some people just can not treat you a an individual. I am one that demands to not be lumped in a box or category with everyone else. I want to go to the hospital, have assistance if I need it and not be micro managed. My Dr. D gets it, some others get it, most do not. I am trying to trust that God will work it ALL out. Like HE did with DH has a full-time job with benefits! We have health insurance just in time for baby’s birth. That is a Big weight off my shoulders.  I need to get a sense of peace about the rest of the current happenings.

We should be better off financially, when I can save gas money. Still working on our water bill. We need to  get several people to trim their showers down from 45 minutes to 10 minutes. How do you do that?? A plumber told me, he can attach a regulator to my hot water heater. I can shut it of manually or digitally I think. I will probably need to invest in this to save water and money.  Maybe I’ll regain some energy. I am usually a pretty high-strung, hyper person. Being able to cook all of our meals again will keep us from breaking our food budget.

I am Currently in survival mode until further notice!

I’ve missed being online!

My hard drive died a few weeks ago on my old DELL D410. So All I have had is my Pandigital Tablet and that thing is great for reading books, perusing Facebook and even surfing the net. It is NOT great for blogging. Too sensitive and types what I don’t want.

 

So I feel like I have been away. I took to writing in my paper journal again.

 

Today I am busy. My slaves… dryer and washer are not in complete cooperation with the programming..so I am trying to figure out the Laundromat thing today. Those appliances are at least 15 years old so maybe it is time to replace them. First I will call a repairman to see if it is a simple inexpensive fix or if it is death. 

FOOD WASTE FRIDAY:

A few days late:

My girls were on spring break from college this week. Their plans interfered with family plans because I really had no clue of the plan till the day of. We had food waste this week. I simply had no energy and failed to really look in the fridge. I had my paper plans for food this week but some days we did not cook, they had sandwiches and I had beans from a can. I love to cook and love to plan meals. I am in the last two months of the last trimester of this pregnancy and I am feeling so uninspired. I do not have enough physical help, even though I have enough people.

This past week my husband was hired as a full-time employee for the company he has been on temporary assignment for for the past 6 months. He has been working first shift 6am to 230pm. He now works 4pm till 230am four days a week with Fridays supposedly off. We do know there is a big assignment or project and they will be working most Fridays this month. Thankfully not a 10 hour day!

We have had to change our entire schedule and life. We now have “dinner” our big meal at lunch so we can eat with my husband. We eat lunch now at dinner time.

FoodWasteFriday I wasted leftover green beans, white Basmati rice and broccoli. They were in the back of the refrigerator,where I could have easily found it if I was on my A game. I feel bad about the food waste. I hope to have some energy soon. I decided this week to buy Paper plates yesterday at Aldi to use temporarily. Also this week I planned meals that require little prep time or are “easy” to cook. I hope to have another week of no food waste since this week broke my streak.
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Monday Monday, I feel all …..”Ick” inside:

Oh boy what an interesting way to start my day. After dropping my girls off at school this morning(Local Community College), I stopped into BiLo.It is almost walking distance from my home.

While in the store ,checking out, a huge commotion began. Some one called a code of some sorts over the P.A./Loud speaker system. Every male worker in the store came running out. Fingers were pointed in a certain direction, all of them ran in that direction.  A young 20 something tall, 6 foot 4 ish black male came running out of a grocery aisle. He tossed what appeared to be some kind of alcohol bottle, which shattered into only God knows how many pieces, and he also tossed what appeared to be packs of red meat. He ran towards an empty cash register aisle, then started walking towards the exit.

He promptly exited the store, looking back every few seconds. Time stopped for everyone during this incident. ALL eyes were glued on the commotion.  I was told that the same fellow had successfully stolen from the store 2 weeks ago, but his last 2 attempts have been thwarted.  I said, I believe a better plan to catch him is needed  and maybe an on call cop.

I have been WIDE awake all day today from the adrenaline.

I only have a few words for this young male….

Find a JOB, a Real job anywhere! Pay for what you want!

I was saddened by my immediate thoughts…my mind raced…he is dressed like a typical thug. What does that mean. Am I prejudice for not wanting to be near young guys who wear long braids, gold teeth and pants that looks a few sizes too small that hang way down their derriere?  We have neighborhood watch. This guy reinforces more of a stereotype of a person who I would call the cops and say someone strange is wandering through our neighborhood looking suspicious.

My “Short” To Do List:

I am overwhelmed with our schedule at this time and our numerous deadlines.

I am going to try to keep track of things here out in the open unashamed and accountable. I can not even remotely keep up right now. I ask God for help daily. I am just plain tired. I could curl up in a ball and hibernate till baby is born. My husband is up at 5am for work 5 to 6 days a week lately. I am picking girls up from work or night classes at 10pm or later 3-4 nights per week. Kayla works anywhere from 2-4 days per week. Kara is working on her c.n.a. classes for nursing school. She is in class two nights per week and every other Saturday during the day. David has two more Physical Therapy sessions left. Two hours for two days per week.

1. Paperwork for Classical Conversations. I am supposed to teach Challenge this fall and I have not completed my paperwork. It is due Tuesday. I also need to finish paperwork signing the boys up and put down deposit to hold their spots.  Done

2. File our taxes, both Kayla’s and our’s. We owe her money for getting our brakes fixed and we need money for CC.

3. Need to print and send current bank statements, copy of past two pay stubs, and certificate of completed online class about budgeting to lawyer. Stopping foreclosure, we missed too many payments when Darling wasn’t working, an although we can make current payments, we haven’t been able to catch up with the older ones. The lawyer said since the house payment is our only debt, it is a shame that we couldn’t somehow borrow or raise money through a fundraiser to prevent doing a chapter 13.  I was originally broken-hearted at the thought of it. Now I am just happy to save our home of 16 years.DONE

I realize that in our state of economy and all  of the jobs that are being eliminated, we are so blessed to be where we are at.  Blessed to live below our means for so many years so we could live without income for so long. God really took car of us. Not saying we haven’t struggled or felt things, but I have seen through others, that it can and has been much worst for others.

4.Received paper’s again from the bank for home loan modification. I will fill those out again for the umpteenth time. FedEx back to bank and hope THIS time the proper person receives them and finally get working on it. DONE

5. Get boys to load my 5 bags and 6 boxes into my van from the 40 Bags in 40 days Challenge. Got started and couldn’t stop!Done

6. Did not work on boys home school schedule. Spent all day trying to catch up on laundry and I am still a few loads behind. Sit down and work on this weeks work schedule. Monday will be  a review. A few color sheets about the Orchestra, math flash cards, Latin Game with flash cards and review of CC memory work. Work on presentations for Tuesday also. DONE

7. Go through Rubbermaid containers and see what shape my cloth diapers are in and if I even have them or if I gifted them away. DONE. I need more newborn diaper covers. I have a pretty good stack of prefold diapers and small covers.

8. Get boys to move kitchen table to living room and other table into kitchen. DONE

9. Move computer and printer to now cleaned off desk in living room. DONE

10. Get boys to move sofa to a different wall DONE

11. Put extra table leaves under sofa DONE

12. Get a son to sweep the walls. they are really dusty. DONE

FOOD WASTE FRIDAY:

FoodWasteFriday There is no food waste to report today. My poor starving family, will gladly eating whatever I cook and going back for more if available. The nausea with cooking and eating is just as strong now in the third trimester as it was in the first. So cooking is very difficult because it makes me so queasy. It takes hours to calm.

This makes me laugh.

They were happy I finally went to the grocery store, to do my Saturday Groceries shopping, on Wednesday. We were without fresh produce several days. We sorely missed them. My little guys love their baby carrots at lunch with their sandwiches. I love my apples in my oatmeal. Salads with dinner and lunch. We are so blessed. Our refrigerator contains possibilities of lovely healthy snacks and mini meals.

Aldi's red grapes are delicious and make me happy!

Kiki

Our 8-year-old Cat Kiki died in the wee hours of the morning.

I did not think she had long left. She was not herself after disappearing for about 4 days. She has never left more than 24 hours.

Kiki loved her  food and was never one to miss a meal. She would actually come to the back door on the deck and “beg” for her food. If we forgot to set her food out or fed her late she would get a major attitude with us and get really “lippy”- her meow would sound like she was really chewing us out and letting us know, “This is not okay. I need to be fed on time!!”

She loved our entire family. Even Noah, who would make her dance with him and Jesse who liked to love her a bit to hard, like squeezes instead of hugs.

We were given Kiki when she was newborn, when I had new baby Samuel.  I believe someone had accidentally squished her in their garage door. She had what appeared to be a broken tail. We had her checked out by a vet, but she could not find anything really wrong with her. We had her shots given, and spayed when she was cleared by vet for surgery.

Kiki would frequently  regurgitate some of her food, but we thought it was because she ate so fast. We did tell the vet. She weight fast and was a portly cat all of her life until this past 2 weeks.

She was just an animal, but she sure felt like part of our family and will be sorely missed. Little Miss Spunk!

40 Bags in 40 Days

“Start by making your own home a place where happiness and love abound, through your love for each member of your family and for your neighbour.  Try to put in the hearts of your children a love for home.  Make them long to be with their families.  So much sin could be avoided if our people really love their homes. 

Mother Theresa
I have made a commitment  to rid  my home of 40 bags of “stuff” during the 40 days of Lent.
 The basic idea is to commit to 40 days of possibly uncomfortable “letting go.” A great way to observe Lent!
I am excited to challenge myself to do this. With anew baby I am expecting in the next couple of months, I need to get rid of clutter.
Clutter tends to pile up easily around here with a large household and a pack rat hubby and a couple of the children are pack rats too.
I am usually a  ruthless purger. I do have down times, like this pregnancy of bed-rest and “morning sickness?”- (a huge misnomer)!
We did not purge the home after Christmas, so there are too many toys in circulation. I am not on my A Game. Things have been getting by me.
My Son Samuel loves to search our recycle bin and make homemade crafts.  So my work is cut out for me.
Taking it one day at a time sounds really doable right now.

Random Rambled Musings:

On Sunday Night we had rain, sleet, and then snow.  It was an interesting night considering we just had summer-ish weather just a few days prior.

I think our cat Kiki may be on her last life. She had disappeared for about 4 days. This is a big deal, Kiki was a little pig and never missed a meal. She came home, very thin, sickly looking and quiet. She barely eats and is sleeping a lot. She is well hydrated. Kiki, normally a “chatty” cat, has been really quiet. I am not quite sure what to think about her right now.

She is 8 years old and was given to us shortly, like a week after, I birthed Samuel.

I have an overwhelming case of the “sleepies” lately. I don’t know if it is normal late pregnancy tiredness or if something is wrong, if I am missing a much-needed vitamin or need more iron or what?

I crave a date with my husband. He has been blessed with some much-needed overtime lately. We needed the money so it is right on time. It has also cause a sacrifice of us time. So I miss him. We need to reconnect soon. Preferably before baby is born.

Almost daily, I secretly wish for someone to come help me sort through my home and cart things off to GoodWill or Kidney Foundation. I also secretly hope for premade meals about once per week, especially on my super exhausted days.

I  don’t like to complain, but I really need help these last months of pregnancy. I feel people who fail to help or tell me about how I got myself into this, simply lack compassion, it should not matter which number your baby is, as to whether you deserve help or not.

Confession: I REALLY needed our break from Classical Conversations this week to sleep in and regroup! Although, I terribly miss everyone!

Random thought:

It is easy to think grander of yourself than you ought, especially when your standard of comparison is mediocre.