Since every other part of Carol is practically new……
We’ve got quotes on replacing her transmission.
It will cost $3500 or more for her to get a rebuilt transmission. I’ve been calling around looking for a transmission to buy and get quotes from my favorite HondaWorks to put it in. So it would be a better conditioned transmission. If I had not put so much money into Carol already ……, her new engine has only 80,000 miles on it. Everything in her is practically new. Now all she needs is a transmission and maybe I have a great van for about 10 or more years??? Her replaced parts have warranties.
Sitting around stranded at home with all these boys and Anna has been challenging. We can not all fit into hubby’s work car. So NO library trips, no park trips, no field trips, etc.
Reworking my schedule and appointments. I can not take the children, I have 2 in car seats so logistically it simply does not work.
Carol the Van… despite her issues and the short time I have driven her, has been such a blessing to us.
I was able to bring home a gifted book shelf in her, Costco trips, I could fit all of my kiddos and groceries too. We could take library trips, Walmart trips, ride to grandparents, yard sale or estate sales, anything. Carol represents freedoms for our large family and She represents living life and having fun.
I’ve been thinking A LOT lately about my accident from two years ago. Trying to again, come to terms with things, such as our finances, where I am in recovery, my health, medical bills.
I have medical issues aside from my accident related issues. I’ve felt physically bad lately. I work very hard, but lately I sit and rest in between chores and duties around here.
I’ve felt a huge sense of frustration. My frustrations are currently focused on people. Those who want to be social justice warriors and rescue criminals.
I’m really bothered that some people chose to raise money for and pay the large bail that was set, for the illegal alien who hit me.
( I feel, he should not have had a bail set at all!!!)
He’s an illegal alien!!!
He left the scene of the accident!!!
He got out of the work vehicle he was driving and He took off running!!!
His vehicle was full of empty alcohol containers!!!
From his finger prints, it was found out, this was NOT his first offense.
He had a habit of drinking and driving.
He couldn’t be charged with DUI, because he left the scene didn’t get his blood tested or a breathylyzer and he wasn’t found for about a week.
His charges were puny, like assault and battery, unsafe movement, felony hit and run, open container, not lawful following traffic signal, I don’t remember how it was exactly worded and I don’t care to look at the police report anymore.
I felt screwed over by the guy who hit me, and by those in charge who did NOT keep me safe. If they could not keep the guy in jail, the least they could have done, would be to deport him. He never showed for court. He “disappeared”!)
I’m need to share and vent about the situation, so I can move along again. I think I’m healed completely emotionally, then sometimes these feelings creep in and I must address them. I don’t really talk to anyone about them. I have tried a time or two, in the past.
I am not allowed to completely vent my feelings, before I’m told, ” You can’t do anything about it, so you should just be grateful for your and your baby’s life and move on.” ( I was 36 weeks pregnant the day of the accident.)
That is what I’ve done. I am grateful and I have moved on.
I’m so very grateful for our lives. I have friends who were in less serious car accidents and “small” fender benders, who lost their babies to death before arriving at the hospital.
I know the same could have and should have happened to me, as bad as I was hit. It is a total MIRACLE, A G-d thing!!! That she and I are here today and both walking and talking and breathing on our own. My neck was broken at a level where I could have been on a ventilator and in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, but I am breathing on my own and walking. My saving grace, my spinal cord was squished but not severed.
My entire focus for rehab and recovery was being able to 100% physically take care of myself and my family without physical assistance. Which I have mostly accomplished.
I don’t want to be told How grateful I should be. I am grateful. Very grateful and so very blessed beyond measure. I really needed to just let this side out also. The anger, and it be okay to let the anger out. Not making me any less grateful or happy that we survived. But also to fully heal and recover and let go of anger. I am told the anger could be part of the reason I am in so much pain. Not just from my having surgeries and my spine fused.
I have to let go and let G-d. Part of that is me sharing what’s on my heart without judgement. Just getting it out.
I’m also making this vent public, just in case there is someone else experiencing what I have and maybe wants to talk about it or know the anger is part of healing too. I just don’t live in the anger but feel it and move on.
I think people think having a bunch of illegals roaming around, is a victimless crime. Someone told me it’s equivalent to stealing cable and told me “every body does it”. I’ve never stolen cable!!! never considered it either. But that is another post…
The little boys and I have given lots of thought to our small garden this year. I bought some really cheap seeds and really cheap dirt to start our seedlings inside early. We have read lots about spacing, sun, watering and what plants to plant near what to keep away bugs or encourage growth.
God has really been speaking to my heart on this; through our little seeding, planting and harvesting study; about my children. What am I sowing? Do I feed it properly, am I nurturing properly, am I giving the proper amount of warmth, space, pruning.
Raising plants and children are not easy jobs. Both are very rewarding if done properly. Both require lots of time and energy, both physically and mentally. God can and will bless efforts of both.
I will reap what I have sown. Good bad and ugly.
Being chronically ill, I have to watch my attitude. I set the tone of my home. I can not take anything personally. I must constantly remember and think about what I am saying and doing and how it will affect how my children see God.
I want to reap a large harvest of family and friends in heaven! I’d also love to have lots to eat this spring, summer and fall 🙂
I thought my tutoring would fall in sync with our lives. It was and is a godsend to have found Classical Conversations. It lines up with what we believe. ALL subjects point to God. They are all interrelated.
The work we do, in Challenge II, is work I would also be preparing for my own Challenge II student. It was supposed to be fairly simple and easily fit in with our lifestyle.
I’ve finally come to the realization, when prepping for this semester, this takes a lot more time to prepare for more than one student. I take into account where the child is, I try to individualize, as I would my own.
It takes a lot of time from my small children ( I have 4 boys whom I consider littles). If I give them my normal attention, then prepping deprives me of sleep, which also takes me from my children. I am an “interesting” person when sleep deprived. I really thought it would be something I could do in about 20 minutes per day. But really it is an actual a job, that make take me a couple hours per day. I’ve changed my thought about it. I now approach it differently. I thought it was a gift and an honor to give of myself and share with others, the knowledge God has so blessed me with.
I have resolved myself to the fact, it is okay to have a part time job, that in essence, takes time from my family as long as there is compensation and benefits to the family.
I’ve had to rearrange our schedule. Hubby works an odd work schedule. I must keep the children quiet for quite a while in the mornings. I take one of my sons to school( small private Christian school) daily. I need to be in bed early so I can wake up in the mornings to get him to school on time. Then add to the mix, a daughter, whom I take to work often. I don’t know her work schedule for pickup or drop off. Oh… at least once a week everyone’s schedule collides!
I want more time to raise these littles. They are growing so quickly. My older kids are such great people. I want to invest more time to raising these younger 4 into great people too.
I pray daily for God to impart HIS wisdom into my brain and heart. I am in deep prayer about whether I should continue tutoring CC next school year or whether I should take time off to get my home in order. I have a child in Essentials class, this is his first year. I haven’t been able to really help him because I’m tutoring during Essentials. There is a “help” class for the new parents on Fridays. So far they’ve clashed with my previously set scheduled activities, whether volunteering, doctor’s appointments or etc…
I have been vigilant this year, 2014, to schedule things in my control, on others days. Maybe we will catch up??
I am struggling greatly with postpartum depression. I feel as if I need some rest and mothering right now. I haven’t had a break since I had the baby, except when I was in the hospital.
I feel because I was so ill this pregnancy and stayed home A LOT, that I have been forgotten. I rarely attended church and haven’t gone to small group.
I can’t emotionally deal with other people’s issues and some questioning.
Someone told someone that I left my church and attend another church. I find it crazy how little rumors start and run rampant.
I know that I need to be surrounded by positive godly people until I heal from inside out.
I always have such a hard time after having my babies. I know it’s just a season.
I have some great children and I am so thankful for ALL of them!
Tomorrow is a new day!
This is the day The Lord hath made!
I will rejoice and be glad in it!
I awakened this morning determined to be positive. I took the girls to school, came home long enough to have a bowl of oatmeal, returned to pick up the girls, took Kayla to work, returned the rental after I filled the gas tank. Cooked some dinner, took Kara to work but had to take Kayla’s car, my van started but cut of then started but battery light came on. Returned home to finish cooking dinner. Picked up Kayla after she called to tell me she was done at work. Had to explain why I was driving her car and when the van would be fixed. Worked more on dinner, had the boys eat, load the dishwasher and cleaned kitchen. I had planned to make cupcakes but did not.
I picked up Kara at 11. Then we stopped and grabbed few things at Bi-Lo. I came home, and told boys to sweep floor and go to bed. So I am typing my day on my phone before falling asleep.
I have wanted to blog but have lacked the time. We have had an unusually busy schedule and with my dead slaves (washer and dryer) I spend at least 2 to 3 trips a week at a laundromat. The owner is really nice and will help me and whomever I bring as a helper to my van, even though that is not his job. I am enjoying getting laundry done quicker. Instead of a half a day or more job, it takes a couple of hours.
We are approaching the end of our journey as one. This baby and I. My BP has been steadily rising over the past week or so. The hyperemesis is not being controlled by the Zofran. I am hoping to go into spontaneous labor sans induction. I am nervous about pending delivery, I tend to get ppd pretty bad lately, so I hope it is a normal labor, so I can quickly recover and return to exercising which really helps me stabilize my hormones better.
One of the twins plans to by a car this week. I am praying she and her sister can get themselves around without my help now. Allowing me more time to spend with the boys,cooking, cleaning, sleeping and enjoying a new baby soon. It should be a blessing to our entire family in that way. I am so fatigued lately. Today I am doing a manic cleaning but I am so low energy I feel the need to lay down, although I have not since getting up.
We are on the hunt for a bunk bed. I specifically wanted a red metal to match the current one in the boy’s room, but at this point I just want a bunk bed set. I have a little guy sleeping on my sofa who needs a bed. Maybe I should pray for one again.
I think there is some water damage from my sink area. The middle of my kitchen floor feels “weird” and the old linoleum is cracking. I’m not sure whether to call a plumber first or if it is just old. Either way, I need a new sub-floor in my kitchen and new tile. I try not to freak out as things stop working in my old house. I happened to hear about Habitat’s Critical Home Repair and I am almost desperate enough to call and see if someone can come out and diagnose our problem with the kitchen floor. I want to fix it quickly. My overactive, hyper-analytical self is having all sorts of thoughts, like me walking into the kitchen to prepare a lovely meal for my family and falling through the kitchen floor.
I am so NOT sleeping well when I do sleep. I think baby has days and nights mixed up already. I have had intense back pain with contractions since Thursday and I simply can not get comfortable, despite taking every spare pillow in the house and propping something up with it.
My OB Dr. D. is going to be in and out-of-town over the next few weeks(family emergency). This has sent me into numerous panic attacks. I have one person whom I trust. I have an awfully long list of bad care received and not enough good to match. I don’t expect a lot. Some people just can not treat you a an individual. I am one that demands to not be lumped in a box or category with everyone else. I want to go to the hospital, have assistance if I need it and not be micro managed. My Dr. D gets it, some others get it, most do not. I am trying to trust that God will work it ALL out. Like HE did with DH has a full-time job with benefits! We have health insurance just in time for baby’s birth. That is a Big weight off my shoulders. I need to get a sense of peace about the rest of the current happenings.
We should be better off financially, when I can save gas money. Still working on our water bill. We need to get several people to trim their showers down from 45 minutes to 10 minutes. How do you do that?? A plumber told me, he can attach a regulator to my hot water heater. I can shut it of manually or digitally I think. I will probably need to invest in this to save water and money. Maybe I’ll regain some energy. I am usually a pretty high-strung, hyper person. Being able to cook all of our meals again will keep us from breaking our food budget.
I am Currently in survival mode until further notice!