I haven’t posted in a while. I just couldn’t put my thoughts into words. I have grieved oddly this time around. I feel lost and out of sorts. I have made list of my daily activities and basically, I do only what needs to be done. I have not wanted to leave my home. It is a chore to pack my recycle bags in the van and go to Aldi or the library or post office but I go when necessary. I am exhausted over doing little things. Today I am sad because my ob office took samples from baby to send for genetic testing. Their lab put the sample in the wrong solution so it was unusable. It was human error and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I did not really want to have the genetic testing. I knew that taking some tissue from my deceased child would not hurt him, but part of me feels bad about agreeing for testing. I kept thinking, I don’t really want to do this but if we find out something that helps us in the future, then maybe it is worth it. Now it seems to have been a waste of time and resources and I am very disappointed. I have forgiven and I am moving on. It still hurts, I am a little bit broken-hearted over occurrences that are out of my control.
I am praying for and believing for the blessing of gainful employment for Ronnie. A place that told him he could work for them, instead rehired a person who recently quit to try out another job and found they did not really like it. We are praying for a near to home job since we only have one car now and want to save on gas unless a farther away job would pay enough to cover the gas bill round trip.
The girls are also looking for jobs to work part-time over the summer.
I am desperately in need of finding out what is going on with my blood. Either to be healed naturally or by something the doctors give me. It is really difficult having an energetic mind and not the body to match it. I see things that need to be done and I really want to do them. I sit a lot and rest because I have to, not because I want to.
I have some thing I am selling on ebay and Craigslist to pay bills. Praying for sells to go smoothly, easily and safely. I know God will take care of us. I am working hard to do whatever I can. Including keeping R supplied with resumes to take with him job hunting.
After 24 hours of prelabor and 3 hours of hard labor I delivered my baby a little before midnight. I am recovering. My obgyn is running test to find out if there were any problems with the baby and blood test to find out if there are problems with me. This is my third baby lost in less than a year.
This morning about 1am the beloved Pastor Mirly died.
He was one of a few of the first people at Resurrection who talked to me and welcomed me, the first few times I visited about 8 years ago. He was a very wise man, loving and caring. He has a beautiful family both inside and out. They are all hard working, sweet spirited, loving and giving people. They are the picture of who we should be and what we are striving to be here on earth as Children of God.
I had child number 6 a little over four years ago. I can not remember if I told him people were saying things about me having another baby in an unkind or harsh way or if he just heard on his own. I believe he said to me that he was child number 8 in his family. I don’t completely remember the conversation details. Knowing how much God has used him in my life and hundreds of others or maybe thousands in his lifetime. Encouraging me in cultivating a personal relationship with God. I thought really hard about that and felt more a sense of joy from my colicky screaming child that people told me I should not even ask for help with because I knew what I was getting myself into and had not stopped it. I had a severe case of ppd with Noah. He was so encouraging to me and prayed over Noah and I . He wanted me to know that I am not alone. God IS with me.
Noah was a SCREAMER not a crier. He still is pretty loud and sensitive to things we never notice. Pastor Mirly knew that God would, will one day, use this child to be the Glory of God. Noah is a blessing.
I am so privileged and honored to have been allowed to meet Pastor Mirly and for him to have played such an integral part of this thing called my life.
I love you Pastor Mirly and know you are enjoying sitting with Jesus!!
I am by no means one of those super coupon people. I do use them for mostly household items that are on sale or doubled or tripled at whomever has the best deal at the time.
Last week I was given about 6-$3.00 off Nivea shower soap coupons. I already had 2 of my own.
I went to Target looking for some other things on sale, like toothpaste. I saw the Nivea on sale for 3.19 per bottle. YES, I used all 8 coupons. I bought 8 bottles of the shower soap for 19 cents times 8 plus tax. YES, $25.oo dollars worth of shower gel for about two dollars!! The older lady that rang my purchases up asked me twice,”Did you really buy all of this stuff?”
I pulled ALL of the items out of my cloth bags and pointed at the labels and the receipt, proving I had all of the items. She shakes her head and stares at my receipt at least 30 seconds, before she begrudgingly hands it to me. This was a great deal for my large family. We rarely get deals this great. I have felt my local Target’s customer service has been severely lacking lately. Maybe it is because I tend to shop when they first open and their workers are still sleeping? Maybe I’ll bring her a cup-a-coffee one day?
I am still trying to adjust their addition of a grocery area to our Target. I just don’t know their layout anymore. They are no longer Target. They are Super Target.
I gave a post to itself. I woke up in a bad mood. I felt hot. My house was a mess. I did not get enough sleep so I was a poor sport.
I slept till 11am so I skipped church. My husband let me sleep in and kept the household quiet. I watched The Elevation Experience on television. I ate a scrambled egg burrito for breakfast and sat on the deck for awhile.
When I returned to the kitchen to sit at the table an quietly have my coffee, I was mobbed by my children. They came bearing homemade cards full of quotes that I love!!!!! And gifts. Every child gave me a pair of earrings in different colors. I am in love!!
We could not find the baby’s heartbeat or see it on ultrasound. Dr. D. said he is sorry. He left it up to me whether to wait out the natural process of miscarriage or to schedule a d&e. I had a d&e last year after I loss the twin that wasn’t in the tube and within 2 days fell into several ppd. So I have opted for natural this time. I am hoping and praying for no complications. This is really hard to walk out. But it really is hard either way.
Several people in the community told me that they found out that I am pregnant from overhearing some people from my church gossiping about me.( I did not announce my pregnancy yet.) Normally I am used to hearing this type of thing, I have even confronted several that I had felt taking their “praying for you” in the wrong direction. I have expressed my disappointment in this type of behavior and disdain for it. Giving background information is okay if it helps you with prayer. Sizing up someone and offering your opinion about their life style is not okay. That is not of God and people involved in this type of behavior must repent. You murder with your mouth. [End of My Soapbox]
With all the deaths and news about the baby it has been a bit too much to deal with this situation at this moment,if at all. I need my resources and focus on other things and not some misbehaving people. So I am trying to shift my focus away from that. I took a couple of week break away from our church for some serious soul searching, free worship and to figure out what God wants me to do with all that is going on.
My cousin Mario died last Wednesday and we buried him this Wednesday. It was a traditional Catholic funeral. I miss my Catholic roots. I missed my family from every where that I haven’t seen in person for awhile {only on facebook}.
The Father
This has been a rough week. Last Saturday a friend died. He was out volunteering planting trees and had a massive heart attack. My husband and I were in shock this entire week. Over this alone without everything else going on. Rob was one of the first people to walk up and introduce himself to me when I first visited my church. He was a very honest and genuine and goofy man. He and his wife have consoled me through my many losses, they truly understand and told me it is okay to grieve regardless of the stage I have been at. When others told me to just get over it and be happy you have some healthy living children. Unless he heard the rumors, Rob died without knowing about this child. My husband said maybe they entered heaven together and that made me smile.
We attended Palm Sunday’s Service as Res. Sam had his last First Communion class.
We were busy this week with Noah on spring break. Lots of playing,reading,coloring,building,planting. Noah loves dirt and digging. Summer will be fun.
David went to open gym and played basketball with his bball buddies.
I returned for my followup EENT appointment. I still continue to have a significant hearing loss. They said I would benefit having hearing aids.
We received a phone call telling us to go see Genera she was in intensive care with pneumonia and not doing well at all. We were able to visit her twice before her passing.
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