Week of May 8th,2011

We could not find the baby’s heartbeat or see it on ultrasound. Dr. D. said he is sorry. He left it up to me whether to wait out the natural process of miscarriage or to schedule a d&e.  I had a d&e last year after I loss the twin that wasn’t in the tube and within 2 days fell into several ppd. So I have opted for natural this time. I am hoping and praying for no complications. This is really hard to walk out. But it really is hard either way.

Several people in the community told me that they found out that I am pregnant from overhearing some people from my church gossiping about me.( I did not announce my pregnancy yet.)  Normally I am used to hearing this type of thing, I have even confronted several that I had felt taking their “praying for you” in the wrong direction.  I have expressed my disappointment in this type of behavior and disdain for it. Giving background information is okay if it helps you with prayer. Sizing up someone and offering your opinion about their life style is not okay. That is not of God and people involved in this type of behavior must repent. You murder with your mouth. [End of My Soapbox]

With all the deaths and news about the baby it has been a bit too much to deal with this situation at this moment,if at all. I need my resources and focus on other things and not some misbehaving people. So I am trying to shift my focus away from that. I took a couple of week break away from our church for some serious soul searching, free worship and to figure out what God wants me to do with all that is going on.

My cousin Mario died last Wednesday and we buried him this Wednesday. It was a traditional Catholic funeral. I miss my Catholic roots. I missed my family from every where that I haven’t seen in person for awhile {only on facebook}.

The Father

This has been a rough week. Last Saturday a friend died. He was out volunteering planting trees and had a massive heart attack. My husband and I were in shock this entire week. Over this alone without everything else going on. Rob was one of the first people to walk up and introduce himself to me when I first visited my church. He was a very honest and genuine and goofy man. He and his wife have consoled me through my many losses, they truly understand and told me it is okay to grieve regardless of the stage I have been at. When others told me to just get over it and be happy you have some healthy living children. Unless he heard the rumors, Rob died without knowing about this child. My husband said maybe they entered heaven together and that made me smile.

Week of April 24th,2011

Saamy’s First Communion Was Sunday. WE enjoyed a nice family meal and a day outside. Our whole family was there and on time and it was a great day.

On the 25th I had an ultrasound and saw our baby’s heart beating.

Tuesday was a long “field trip” to the library. Jesse really misbehaved. He is usually good. More training needed, I  suppose.

I saw my hematologist on Friday. My hemoglobin and ferritin levels are finally within a normal range.

We went to Genera’s viewing Friday night and funeral on Saturday

It was nice seeing a lot of family that we have not seen in a  while.

The Girls with their "little" cousin

The church fixed us a meal and we were able to hang out and fellowship after the graveyard service.

Week of April 17th 2011

We attended Palm Sunday’s Service as Res. Sam had his last First Communion class.

We were busy this week with Noah on spring break. Lots of playing,reading,coloring,building,planting. Noah loves dirt and digging. Summer will be fun.

David went to open gym and played basketball with his bball buddies.

I returned for my followup EENT appointment. I still continue to have a significant hearing loss. They said I would benefit having hearing aids.

We received a phone call telling us to go see Genera she was in intensive care with pneumonia and not doing well at all.  We were able to visit her twice before her passing.

Hey?? It is Spring… Isn’t it??

What happened to spring?? We were in shorts and flip-flops last week, were we not? We had summer in the winter. Now winter in the spring? I am sitting here typing and it’s  43 degrees outside and 60 in here brrrr.

I dropped the girls and Noah off at school. The other boys and I spent the day doing school and baking. I made banana chocolate chip muffins and sweet potato chocolate chip muffins. I made shredded barbecue chicken, homemade macaroni and cheese and steamed broccoli for dinner.

Samuel is reading well. He hates…HATES when I have them practice handwriting. He says it’s so boring. I told him neat handwriting is important. Noah has really neat handwriting for a 4-year-old boy. It is scary to me that he has such attention to details. They work on handwriting together,at snack time after school, at the kitchen table, while I whip them up something to munch on.

IT was peaceful today..Cold..Cold..Cold..Peaceful.

Ronnie came home in a bad mood. I’m not sure completely why yet. He has been coughing a lot again. I hope his bronchitis has not returned. I think I’ll pick up the medicine the doctor wrote for him that he has not taken… See if I can MAKE him take it now? I wish I could persuade him to cover his mouth when he coughs. With my asthma, I tend to want to avoid rooms he is coughing in, I fear becoming sick and unable to care for my family. It has happened before. My home never recovers completely from my illnesses.  I have to scrub hard to get through all the layers of  dirt.

Well I suppose I shouldn’t  ‘go there’ should I?

Me and my never-ending list of rhetorical questions.

Toothache!!

I noticed Wednesday March 16th that it really hurt to chew on my tooth. It was only when I would chew it would hurt. By Friday night I was bedridden with pain. Practically eating 800mg ibuprofen alternating with 1000mg of acetaminophen and Benedryl. I know a weird concoction. First thing Monday morning March 21st, I called my dentist. Dr. S. He got me in that afternoon. The hygienist took a couple of x-rays. She said ooh. Your tooth looks like it is not happy and needs to come out. Another hygienist came in to try the x-ray at a different angle. She said oh boy, that tooth has gotta go. Dr. S walks in and says oh my goodness. How long has this been hurting you? What is going on, and tons of other questions. Finally saying we can not preserve this tooth. It is horribly infected,an abscess and it has to go before you get the bone underneath infected. So he gives me Novocaine or whatever they numb you with. Which takes forever to work on me(by the way).  He tried to make me as comfortable as possible. This is one horrific experience to go through. The tooth was huge. I feel like a toothless hag. I am thankful it was a back tooth. I am still recovering. Some soreness still in my jaw.

….I am thankful darling husband stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday to help run errands,taking Noah to school,taking girls to school and picking everyone up and open gym and groceries. He felt bad that I was in so much pain and he really could do nothing about it. His help with the kids was great!

16 days

Wow it has been 16 days since I blogged. I have had a lot to post and tons of things done that I would love to remember. I’m not sure if I should break things up into a few post. That seems more logical. I have pictures. I can’t remember how I uploaded them last time.

My daughters are dancing in a play Beauty and the Beast being performed by students at CUCA ( the private Christian school that my older children play sports at) So every Saturday and several afternoons per week, I am on the road. The practices are an hour and a half. It usually doesn’t make since to go home just to turn right back around to pick them up. I have been super exhausted for a few weeks. No, I am not pregnant. So our schedule has been really hard on me. The girls had spring break March 7th through the 11th,2011. I thought I would get some rest that week since I was only driving Noah to school But that was not so. I am a super light sleeper and the girls like to keep late hours and I would hear them at 1am or 2am in their rooms talking or 3am in the shower. Or their blow dryers or the dishwasher running at 4am or a television left on all night that I was too tired to get up and turn off but nevertheless annoyed by it until  a second before I heard my alarm clock go off. Surely sleep deprivation is the etiology of my exhaustion.

March 14th The basketball coach starts open gym. Our basketball boys need to keep playing so they won’t lose their hard earned skills, like they did last year(oops). So two days per week I drive David to play bball at CUCA.  I realized Thursday 17th of that week that my natural food Coop order was still in my draft box. So i will have to wait 2 months for another order. I need some wheat for my flour. It is much cheaper through them than my local health food store. Friday the 18th we got our tax return check. So I went around catching up all of our bills that had gotten behind during my husbands layoff. Boy that felt great! Our van is paid in full we only had a couple of payments left. Our only debt is our house. I found out, because our home is worth less that we got a loan for it, we can possibly refinance it (for less payments monthly), our home owners insurance will be less because we have it insured for double of what it is worth because of the drop. We will be okay. I no longer feel pressure of having to find a place to put my children and getting an outside paying job to try and make ends meet. I have been doing little things here and there online for awhile  that gives me a little income but nothing major. This is a huge relief for me and I feel my children will be better for it.

One Small Success at a Time

FaithButton

I love Danielle’s idea of remembering our small accomplishments.

I have long list and lofty ideas of what I should get done daily or even hourly. I can easily feel defeated by not thinking I am using my time wisely or accomplishing much. When sitting down to peruse what I actually get done, I have a more objective eye and sense of accomplishment and am less hard on myself. This is much needed for me. I don’t have a circle of homeschooling moms nearby for encouragement, so I tend to listen to the false ideas that the enemy gives me. It is commonplace in our culture to devalue homemaking and raising children.

Thank you Danielle for encouraging a time for self reflection, even in the small accomplishments.

Here are my small successes for this week:

1. I decided to do the old Lenten Challenge 40 bags in 40 days. I have already put 4 bags and a box of stuff(toys and clothes) to give away in the back of my van.

2. I have been encouraged by a counselor to take 15 minutes each day to do something that encourages me, just for me. So yesterday I gave myself a pedicure without guilt. So today, despite the rain and clouds ,despite my hair that has fallen due to the rain and weather, I still feel feminine and beautiful today just from that one little thing.I feel this is helping m be a better more encouraged mom today.

3. I make copies of Sunday’s Sermons on CD for our church. This is the first week in a month, where there were NO errors made by me. Sometimes the alignment is slightly askew. No one has complained to me about it, but I tend to be perfectionist about everything I do. I am very hard on myself. Last week I decided, okay I am human, I am doing my best, this week I was more relaxed about the entire procedure and I did a better job than I have done in awhile.

Time to ReGroup

The children have recovered from there illnesses. I have been very busy, but I feel that I haven’t really accomplished anything or even kept up.  No one caught Influenza A from Noah, so I guess the praying, cleaning and medicines worked.

I am on my second round of antibiotics now finally feeling a bit better, My allergies are so bad. I seem to get sinus infections easily when I am around sick people.

I have had a hard week with my stomach problems. I sometimes forget the insidious products that have wheat in them until after I have already consumed them and feel pretty poorly. My belly swells and I look like I am pregnant until my immune system recovers from the noxious assault. Which takes over a week of strictly watching my diet.

Tuesday we Ronnie and I attended David’s Sports Banquet for Basketball and Cheerleading. It was a mini ordeal getting there. I gave My husband the wrong directions going. I have a problem getting lost a lot. I can drive there but I am terrible at giving directions unless I have been there at least dozen times. So we passed the banquet hall. OOPs. Then when we turned around  Ronnie wanted to know right then which side of the road to get on, but I needed to sort my thoughts but he would not be quiet , so I picked a side.. Yep wrong side so we had to turn again and wait at a super long light off a side road. OOPs.. It’s okay we made it before it started. We sat at the table with the AD and guest speaker and the Ladies Basketball Coach and her husband. I did not know we would sit there. They were nice company.

Guest speaker gave us a thought:

TRANSCENDENTAL WARRIOR

The sports games are temporal, make sure you are doing things that really matter for eternity. The other players are not your enemies but your brothers or sisters in Christ. We should behave accordingly. I love what he “preached” I wish I had a tape of it.

Wednesday. I got to see my doctor. I had missed 3 or 4 Wednesdays. I still need to reschedule the OBGYN appointment, that I canceled last month. I missed my small group. I was absolutely too tired to go. I also needed to make sure I tried to get my little boys back on schedule. I have been having really bad days with Noah. I ask God to help me constantly.

Today I had plans to make muffins and yogurt and catch up on laundry. But I had a few errands to run. I got really tired and actually did something I rarely do…  I actually took a mid day nap on a weekday. I felt pass out tired so I laid on my sofa with the little boys on the floor in front of me playing with the little Legos.

Friday I Have plans to make homemade pizza. I haven’t made the dough yet. So I need to remember to make it first thing in the morning after I drop Noah and the girls off at school. So it will have sat for a while before dinner.

I can’t think or write anymore right now. Good Night or morning.

 

Blog less Days

We have had warmer temperatures here so tree pollen has been high.

I am a glutton for punishment. I have severe seasonal allergies but I can not for the life of me stay inside on a nice day! Despite my desire to blog, some days my allergies take me out and I simply collapse after getting the littles in bed and wake up in the mornings a few minutes behind taking away my morning blogging time.

Monday ,Noah did not have school so, we had an interesting President’s Day.

Tuesday was David’s basketball tournament. Carolina Christian whipped them severely and First Assembly,the first game we watched,beat Fletcher.

I had some “office type” business to take care of, faxes and such. I LOVE the UPS Store. It is not super expensive and they do a lot of services there. Also if you make lots of copies, it is way cheaper to buy a copy card and make prints there than it is to buy refill black ink for similar amounts of prints.

We were without water service for 24 hours so we had sandwiches,chips and salad for dinner.

Today my husband tells me, he is really sick and he wants me to call the doctor and get him an appointment. (RARELY happens!) He said he was feeling a little short of breathe in spells and his chest hurts when he coughs. Doctor C. says its bronchitis and put him on antibiotic….zpak

My head REALLY hurts Dr C. wants me to take another 10 days of antibiotic for this reoccurring sinus infection. My ears are popping again… ominous sign. The tell tale earache.

I must go to bed now! Good night!