Week of May 8th,2011

We could not find the baby’s heartbeat or see it on ultrasound. Dr. D. said he is sorry. He left it up to me whether to wait out the natural process of miscarriage or to schedule a d&e.  I had a d&e last year after I loss the twin that wasn’t in the tube and within 2 days fell into several ppd. So I have opted for natural this time. I am hoping and praying for no complications. This is really hard to walk out. But it really is hard either way.

Several people in the community told me that they found out that I am pregnant from overhearing some people from my church gossiping about me.( I did not announce my pregnancy yet.)  Normally I am used to hearing this type of thing, I have even confronted several that I had felt taking their “praying for you” in the wrong direction.  I have expressed my disappointment in this type of behavior and disdain for it. Giving background information is okay if it helps you with prayer. Sizing up someone and offering your opinion about their life style is not okay. That is not of God and people involved in this type of behavior must repent. You murder with your mouth. [End of My Soapbox]

With all the deaths and news about the baby it has been a bit too much to deal with this situation at this moment,if at all. I need my resources and focus on other things and not some misbehaving people. So I am trying to shift my focus away from that. I took a couple of week break away from our church for some serious soul searching, free worship and to figure out what God wants me to do with all that is going on.

My cousin Mario died last Wednesday and we buried him this Wednesday. It was a traditional Catholic funeral. I miss my Catholic roots. I missed my family from every where that I haven’t seen in person for awhile {only on facebook}.

This has been a rough week. Last Saturday a friend died. He was out volunteering planting trees and had a massive heart attack. My husband and I were in shock this entire week. Over this alone without everything else going on. Rob was one of the first people to walk up and introduce himself to me when I first visited my church. He was a very honest and genuine and goofy man. He and his wife have consoled me through my many losses, they truly understand and told me it is okay to grieve regardless of the stage I have been at. When others told me to just get over it and be happy you have some healthy living children. Unless he heard the rumors, Rob died without knowing about this child. My husband said maybe they entered heaven together and that made me smile.