I’ve been posting but hiding them

The past year has been really difficult. We are closely approaching the anniversary date of a devastating event which occurred last April.

I’m not completely sure I’m totally ready to come out of hiding.

Here we go…

April 10, 2015 I only wanted to fulfill a late pregnancy craving of Wendy’s chocolate Frosty and Small fries. Late after putting kids to bed, one my eldest and  decided to take a ride to Wendy’s. An illegal drunk driver sped up really fast through his red light and hit my van so hard, he made us do 360 degree plus clockwise rotation!

He totalled both my van and his and injured both of our passengers. I got the worst of the impact so I had the worst injuries.

My car was smoking. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know my body was broken but I immediately felt intense pain and pressure. Someone removed me from the van and told me don’t move.  I was terrified, I couldn’t move and I couldn’t feel my baby. I was 36 weeks pregnant with baby Anneliese.

I have no concept of time after the accident. I remember everything immediately leading up to it. Like conversation, my light turning green, the car stopped at the light and watching the car that eventually hit me, go around stopped cars. It seemed to play out in slow motion in my head but actually occurred in milliseconds.

The medic started an IV on me and gave me oxygen. My oxygen levels were low. She couldn’t feel the baby moving or find her heartbeat either. I was immediately put in trauma ER at the hospital. I couldn’t breathe. They did several MRI’s. I find out my neck, ribs and back are broken and my liver bruised? My broken ribs punctured my lungs, I had to be stabilized. I was in and out of xrays and MRIs for a while. I had a great PA who did not leave my side till I was stabile. Then he brought my husband to me. I was only allowed one visitor at a time. Shortly thereafter I was briefly “discharged” to the maternity observation. It took over an hour for everyone to try and locate the baby. Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor was called. He came in and did an ultrasound. Hallelujah the baby is alive!!!  She wasn’t moving and appeared to be in shock, but she was alive. After being shuffled around in the hospital, I was eventually readmitted to the maternity high risk floor. Trauma didn’t want to keep me because I was pregnant. Maternity didn’t want me because I was also a trauma patient.  So for my 2 week hospital stay, I had a bucket load of doctors visiting me daily for various reasons.

By day 3, some swelling had abated and I was able to move my hands and toes. PT started getting me up to my feet by a week or so after the accident. I was determined to walk, even though I lacked feeling in all of my extremities.

Once I was discharged from the hospital, I had PT in my home. My doctors wanted to put me in a rehab facility, but NO ONE would take a pregnant patient.

After I delivered Anneliese, all my doctor’s wanted me to take a break to heal after delivery. So I started PT again  after she turned 14 weeks old, and after my neck fractures and other bones had healed.

Over the past year I’ve relearned how to live and adjusted to life with the current abilities I do have.  I can walk fully without assistance of any sort.

I have bad herniations in my spine from the accident. I’m having surgery in the very near future to prevent full paralysis. My herniations are squishing my spinal cord in the C4-C6 region. Hopefully I will regain feeling in my hands and the terrible pain I live with will either go away or at least ease up!


My Primary Care Doctor

I have had the same doctor for a very long time. How long? I can not recall exactly. He was gone for a while with an injury, and I sorely missed him.

I had my yearly physical today with my primary care doctor. It is always a joy to visit him. He is so intelligent. He really listens to his patients. I met him and became his patient through my best friend. Every that knows him has good things to say about him. He’s a very gregarious personality, but willing to stand alone when he knows he is right about a diagnosis, even when others think he’s nuts. He loves people and he wants everyone well and healthy. He believes healing happens from the inside out.

Aldi's red grapes are delicious and make me happy!

He will tell you, today, now is the time to make a change and do right. Life is too short to look for pills and drugs to keep symptoms at bay. Found the source of your problem and go about making a change. He is so joyful when discovering a problem and loves to wean patients off of pharmaceuticals! He constantly researches and takes note of patterns in diseases.

I have never been belittled or spoken at by him. When there was a problem with my health, very serious issue, he really listened, we had a conversation like old friends and their was discussion of our plan of course.

It is great honor and blessing to have such a personable physician.

Thought about who we are and my Ramblings :

I think often of how contrary the Word of God life and the World’s system of life are.

20140102-055821.jpgIt’s so odd to me that many are born with a strong sense of self no matter what. A strong sense of right and wrong and will NOT divert from this deep sense of morality. They are always listening and observing. They can always see what is right despite the overwhelming noise of the crowd.

God has made us all so very different.

There are those who want to do right but are really unsure what is right from wrong unless is it really bad and very obviously wrong. They can be really nice and well-meaning people. They just don’t “get” it.

There are those who know right from wrong and that is their reason why they choose to do whatever it is. They like being considered fun or adventurous. I’m not talking about a bi-polar person during a manic episode.

There are those who do know right from wrong. The crowd is doing wrong, and they don’t want to be different or odd, or considered not “normal”, so they follow the crowd. They know deep down that they are wrong and the crowd is wrong, but they are not strong enough to stand for right, and may even deceive themselves into believing they are okay, because “everybody” is doing it.

2013-08-22 11.11.06

I have been raising children for 22 years. I believe in my 8 children I have seen soo many different personalities. I have taken all sorts of psychology books and read any and every book that I could get my hands on, Christian and secular.

My conclusion has been, only the bible makes sense of us. All loving and caring parents do their best. Children are ALL so different that even in a household of children all by the same parents, you must parent them differently, according to whom God made them and plans for them to be. There is no blanket absolute in parenting other than love. Boys and Girls are very different from birth, they just ARE!! The world influence and involvement can and does raise and changes and shapes your children into different people. It pulls them away from God. That is the plan of the enemy (Satan), to kill steal and destroy! Minds, Souls and Bodies! God is all-powerful and can redeem and restore, but we cannot undo harm that has been done. Even after repentance you may still live with consequences of your poor decisions previously made.

I am excited from my bible studies. God gives me just the right nugget of truth at the right time. Several thoughts on my heart currently are number one just because you have totally given your life to Christ, doesn’t mean everything will be easy and perfect for you. We live in a real physical world were Satan is the god ( little g) of this world. We are ALL born with a sin nature. Doing what we should by being servants first, does NOT come naturally. ( One of the biggest causes of divorce is our me-me attitude—<another post another day> J)

Number two God is All-Powerful! Don’t deny the power of prayer. I cannot begin to tell you everything that we have prayed for even recently. Whether praying as a family or amongst my prayer group. God DOES MOVE!! Don’t ever stop praying, even if you don’t see changes immediately, don’t stop!

Thirdly, do or give something to someone that you need or needed at a time. If you see a need meet it. God shows you things to do, act on it and act now. Don’t think about it and talk yourself out of it, just do it. You will be blessed by the action, others will be blessed by the action and God will abundantly bless you. I promise you won’t regret it.

Things are not always what they appear to be:


I’ve seen A LOT in my 4 decades of life.

I’m one of those action people. I want to fix the world.

I meet a ton of people. There are many who are ear ticklers. They talk a great game.

But don’t talk their walk.

I have some naivety. I don’t quite “get” the ease of this deceptive talk.

I say what I mean and mean what I say. I have been known to take others speech quite literally.

I guess because I tend to be that way.

Play with words make great stories to read. I’d rather you tell it to me straight out if perhaps  we are conversing. I don’t want to accidentally misunderstand you because of your intentional deceptive words.

Please do not tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me like it really is. Sugar coated “truths” are lies and deception.


Bits and Pieces add up to much!

Help Tracy’s Boys

A sweet friend needed help.

I watched over a 24 hour period, G-d moved and people gave.

Some gave a lot and some gave little. G-d used every dollar.

I was so encouraged for several reasons. And my heart became broken, but a good breaking. Softened for G-d to use. Belief that there are people willing to give and give right now immediately.  I feel a kindred spirit, a connection to those who share my heart though we haven’t spoken and some of us have never met in person.

Many times you may want to give for a cause, but feel that you don’t have enough. You don’t realize that your amount of anything means a lot. Especially when lots of people get together. Then others, many who can give a lot, see those with little giving what they have, may or may not match you dollar for dollar. Regardless, G-d blesses it! I have so much hope and encouragement in humanity again. The willingness and real love and action to help a fellow-man( Woman).

I have needed help, from time to time. Not necessarily monetarily, but sometimes it has been a struggle. Especially that year darling was laid off and we used up savings. I have needed help with immediate household stuff, when we simply didn’t have the cash to fix it. I refuse to go into debt for stuff and I was too proud to ask from anyone. Even and especially the church. I am so proud of my friend. She did ask she should and allowed G-d to bless her through others. EVERYONE benefits when we work in this way. When we allow G-d to bless us in this way, we allow his blessings to touch others. It really is a blessing to give and help others!

Stepping out of our comfort zone. It is easy to sit back and complain. It is more difficult to give up a part of yourself and admit you need help. Not a pride thing but more of a self-confident thing. It is not a weakness to need help. I am realizing, there are seasons of life. Most of us go through all of them at some time.

Casting Crowns-Voice of Truth

Spending Summer Decluttering: A Reflective Post


I can not believe how fast the summer has flown. School will be starting again soon.

I am still working on getting my house in order. Being a neat freak and having a chronic illness has been very challenging. Some days all I can do is maintain. Meaning, I do dishes and laundry.

I found “The Flyday”, many many years ago. I adapted my own cleaning schedule by her influence. I read her books. I wanted to learn how to keep my home clean with small children and not spend ALL my time cleaning. I really enjoy spending some time with my children. I also want a clean house!

Years ago, I had been ill for months. We did not really know what was making me so ill at that time. It was another one of those… I’m just surviving times.

A dear sweet lady from my church, the daughter of one of my favorite Pastor emeritus,came over and helped me declutter. I had been in the hospital for  awhile. She had asked if I needed someone to bring food over. At that time, we had lots of food in the freezer. It was a regular habit of mine to batch cook meals.  I had frozen and canned tons of food also from our garden. Our freezer and deep fridge were well stocked. All we had to do was take out  a meal from the freezer and put into refrigerator  or straight into the oven.
She asked me what I really needed. I said someone to help me wade through stuff that piled up when I was incapacitated. No one here  touches it, so I have a mountain every time I get back on my feet. She came over several times and spent the entire day helping me make my house a home! She did not ask for anything. She just wanted to bless me and my home. Rebecca and Marcus have been more than a blessing in our home and life!

Today I am sitting in a different clutter.

I’ve spent the past months going through my stuff, kids stuff , I haven’t finished yet. I’m working around normal daily stuff like cooking and cleaning, taking son 1 to work, checking on online bills, getting exercise in, and caring for my little boys.

If I can just get it to spotless… I can maintain! My routines are doable and easy to incorporate the boys into.

If ,I get super sick again, I’ve budgeted to hire a person to clean for me.

I don’t ever want to have this mountain to attack alone again.